Is Your Doctor a Good Listener?
/By Carol Levy, PNN Columnist
Many of us have had doctors that we loved. They not only listened, but actually heard us. They gave us their time, attention, and cared -- not only about us, but doing the best they could for us.
They truly follow the intent of the Hippocratic Oath: primum non nocere, or “first, do no harm.”
Then there are the doctors who don't care, and don't even seem to care that we know they don't care. They are quick with us. They don't listen or hear. They have their theories. The facts that we give them about how the pain feels, where it is, etc. make no difference.
I went to a new neurologist. She was very nice, but ignored my pain from trigeminal neuralgia and my long history of surgeries and medications. She decided my issue was “anxiety,” which I never said I had.
She repeatedly asked, “Is your problem anxiety?” I shook my head “no” to answer the question and to show my frustration with her for asking it.
Nevertheless, at the end of the appointment, she asked, “Do you want me to prescribe something for your anxiety?”
Primum non nocere? No. She didn't do harm, but she sure as heck didn't help.
Dr. Norton, my neuro-ophthalmologist, didn't seem to care either, at first. He gave me short shrift by rudely saying, “Stop being so schizophrenic in how you're telling me about your pain.”
Because I was so afraid and worried, I gave him the details in scattershot form, instead of chronological and neatly. After two appointments, he finally understood my pain was real. Suddenly, he cared! The change in him was almost palpable. His words were supportive. He worked to give me hope.
When I first went to the hospital for a pain flare, I was overwhelmed by it. It was spontaneous and constant. My only hope was that Dr. Norton could stop it.
“Is this ever going to go away?” I asked, my voice tremulous with pain and worry.
“Let me worry about that,” he said. “That's my job.”
His words were a verbal hug. Primum non nocere. He cared about me and would make sure I suffered no further harm. I felt like I was being helped.
Dr. Norton was the face of the caring doctor, the one who follows the oath, who puts his patient first. And that makes all the difference.
As for the doctor who wanted me to say I had anxiety, I canceled my next appointment with her. She was the second neurologist I had seen. The first was also entrenched in his theories and didn't care about me or the facts.
I was concerned about consulting with a third doctor, fearful I would be accused of "doctor shopping.” I asked my nurse practitioner, “Do you think seeing another neurologist will be an issue?" She shook her head no.
"You have valid reasons for not wanting to stay with them. You need to find someone who will listen to you and deal with the pain," she told me.
And she was right. I needed another doctor, a doctor like Dr. Norton, (who moved out of state). I need a doctor who works with me, not against me. Who truly practices primum non nocere.
And that should be the goal for all of us.
Carol Jay Levy has lived with trigeminal neuralgia, a chronic facial pain disorder, for over 30 years. She is the author of “A Pained Life, A Chronic Pain Journey.” Carol is the moderator of the Facebook support group “Women in Pain Awareness.” Her blog “The Pained Life” can be found here.
