The Gaslighting of Pain
/By Ann Marie Gaudon, PNN Columnist
It’s become a buzzword. “Gaslighting” is a term used to describe the repeated denial of someone’s reality in an attempt to invalidate them. Its origins can be found in a misogynistic 1944 film showcasing a husband trying to convince his wife that she is insane.
To be clear, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and is not exclusive to romantic relationships. This attempt to manipulate a person’s reality is systemic and can be seen in social media, politics, cable news and even healthcare. When a medical professional invalidates, dismisses or even leads a patient to question their own thoughts and experiences, that is traumatic and abusive.
It is hardly news that women are more often told than men that their pain and other symptoms are emotionally-based and psychogenic: not real. Years ago, I attended a lecture given by a young woman detailing her experience with significant knee pain. She had seen several doctors to no avail; she was told the pain was all in her head. One doctor said the cause of her pain was due to “wearing her jeans too tightly and this is a common problem with teenage girls.”
She wondered out loud if this would have been her diagnosis if she were a male teenager. Eventually she did obtain a correct diagnosis for her knee pain which was osteosarcoma – the very same cancer that Canadian athlete and national hero Terry Fox succumbed to.
A 2015 study interviewed women who had been hospitalized due to a heart attack but were reluctant to seek medical care, citing anxiety about “being perceived as complaining about minor concerns” and “feeling rebuffed or treated with disrespect.”
Since being diagnosed and treated for the female-only disease of “hysteria” in the 19th century, women’s emotions continue to be used as the cause for all that ails them. This inherent gender bias in healthcare is another form of gaslighting.
“We want to think that physicians just view us as a patient, and they’ll treat everyone the same, but they don’t,” Linda Blount, president of the Black Women’s Health Imperative, told BBC Future. “Their bias absolutely makes its way into the exam room.”
Your chances of being subjected to medical gaslighting increase if you are not white, cisgender or able-bodied -- essentially any marginalized group. However, do not be misled into thinking that all white males will be cared for with dignity and medical acuity. I have had conversations with men who have been dismissed time and again, and had their substantial suffering completely invalidated with the likes of “that [diagnosis] would never bother anyone.” Or they cannot even get a diagnosis and so are labelled as malingerers.
‘You’re Making This Up’
At times, I am the only person in a patient’s life who actually has validated their pain, because their family does not believe them either. “You’re making this up” or “You’re not getting better because you don’t want to get better” are common themes told to my victimized clients. I watch as their teary eyes fluctuate hurriedly from boring into mine to staring down at the floor as they question their own sanity and if their pain is indeed real.
What happens next can lead to disastrous results. When physicians inappropriately conclude that a patient’s symptoms are all in their head, they delay a correct diagnosis – just like the young woman with knee pain. This can be especially dangerous for patients with rare diseases who already wait longer to be diagnosed as it is. According to a survey of 12,000 European patients, receiving a psychological misdiagnosis can make a proper diagnosis of a rare disease take up to 14 times longer.
The pain patients in my practice (as well as myself) have been told it’s just normal aches and pains, there’s nothing wrong with you, condescended to, yelled at, disbelieved, laughed at, mocked, called names, and dismissed in all manners of arrogance and ignorance.
We’re on the cusp of 2021 and I am still telling my pain patients not to go to any appointment alone because that makes you even more vulnerable to mistreatment. Another person in the room with you can temper abusive treatment by being there as a witness. No one suffering should have to go to any lengths to receive the care they deserve. However, that is reality.
We’ve come too far just to lie down and accept medical gaslighting. Do what you can to defeat this. Find a medical provider that you can connect with; someone who listens, is honest, and frank with you. I have had the privilege of having one physician who completely fits the bill and am now searching for the next.
Become your own advocate. Do not put up with someone who is condescending, arrogant, or mistreating you – fire this person. You and your health need to be taken seriously. Watch for biases and do report a gaslighting doctor. Go to the clinical supervisor, board of the hospital, and the regulating college or agency. Be direct and honest about how you were treated and demand they take action.
There is always a legal option as well if you were harmed physically and/or mentally by the grievous actions of a gaslighting physician. Whatever decision you make, above all else, do not accept this abuse. We must all speak up and speak out!
“Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.”
Leonardo da Vinci
Ann Marie Gaudon is a registered social worker and psychotherapist in the Waterloo region of Ontario, Canada with a specialty in chronic pain management. She has been a chronic pain patient for over 30 years and works part-time as her health allows. For more information about Ann Marie's counseling services, visit her website.
