By Ann Marie Gaudon, PNN Columnist

RIP Margaret Bristow October 23, 1959 – August 10, 2022

No, that’s not a typo. My friend Maggie will be dying in a few days, on August 10 to be exact.

Confused? I am trying to make sense of this, too.

One night a few months ago, I was hurting. Oh, my goodness was I hurting! I was lying in bed and decided to do a quick body scan.

I began with my head. I had a throbbing headache, which I suspect was a result of fairly severe TMJ. It felt like my jaw was locked solid, which is terrifically painful, and my tongue was burning as well.

I also was suffering with tinnitus that night, which is typically accompanied by severe ear pain. I also felt gastroesophageal reflux burning a fiery hole in my gut.

Next up was a severe back injury from 2017, which was irritated and oh boy did that ever hurt! Down I went to my bladder, which was burning from an interstitial cystitis flare. Pudendal neuralgia had nerve pain radiating from my sacrum down both legs and into both hips. Osteoarthritis had my hips, knees, legs and ankles throbbing.

Finally, both feet felt like I had knives stabbing into them over and over, as I now have plantar fasciitis to add to my list of pain conditions. What a state I was in. Neuropathic pain, visceral pain, and musculoskeletal pain -- all in a rage.

Nine different pains in total that night, which is not at all typical for me. I had nowhere to put this earthly body for more comfort. Sitting or lying on my back increased the pudendal neuralgia; lying on my side increased my ear and hip pain; lying on my stomach was painful for my neck; and standing increased the plantar fasciitis.

I had nowhere to go, so I lay there quite still. In case you are wondering, yes, I have medications and I took them all. I also took everything OTC that I had in the house. It didn’t seem to make any difference; the pain was surging and the medications were no match for it.

I thought to myself that if this were to become permanent, I would surely not survive it. My problem-solving brain told me the only way out would be the release of death. If nothing could tame all of these pains, what choice would I have? I couldn’t work like this and I couldn’t engage in relationships like this.  I could barely string together two sentences in my head.

I could not function in any capacity, so I lay there quite still, trying my best to be with the pain, but not overtaken by it. In that one horrible night, I understood why my sweet friend had chosen to die on August 10, 2022.

‘I Would Rather Have My Medication Back’

Maggie Bristow has been in chronic pain for over 25 years from fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, spinal stenosis and arthritis. Her pain became so severe that she was given opiate medication, which she took for many years. By 2016, the Ottawa woman felt the medication was not working very well, because her pain was increasing.

Already feeling pressured to reduce his prescribing, her pain physician took her off opiates and tried many other types of treatment, but nothing worked. He told her there was nothing else left to try.

To this day I do not fully understand this part of Maggie’s story. Was she properly titrated on opiate medications? Were they combined with something else? What about novel approaches like opiates placed in the spinal fluid? I will never know. I do know that Maggie felt she was out of options.

“My body constantly feels like a blow torch has been taken to it. I’ve not been able to sleep in a horizontal position for 20 years and I am housebound due to the intense pain,” Maggie told me.

“Simple tasks like opening the mail, preparing food and maintaining good hygiene are agonizing, monumental tasks. I would rather have my medication back or be allowed to die peacefully.”

With her pain increasing, Maggie just wanted it to stop. That year she applied for assisted death under Canada’s Medical Assistance in Dying law (MAID), and was flatly denied because she did not meet the criterion that a natural death be “reasonably foreseeable."

Maggie persevered and once again in 2019 applied for MAID. For the second time, she received a phone call telling her that her request had been denied. She felt very deflated, upset and confused.

Quality of life continued to worsen for Maggie and she waited patiently for new legislation to pass last year amending the MAID law, which removed the criterion that “death was foreseeable.”

When she applied for a third time, the MAID physician requested a new MRI, a second opinion from another neurologist, and someone to give her opiate pain medication. Maggie was dumbfounded at this third request, because she was searching for five years for opiates to no avail. She chose to ignore that, and responded to the other two requests which showed results that her spine was “totally inoperable.”

Weeks and months dragged on for Maggie. Finally, a call came from her general practitioner who told her that the MAID physician advised that she tried to contact Maggie with no success. Maggie said that was nonsense because she is housebound and never heard from her. The truth was that the MAID physician was not comfortable signing off on her case.

Part of the policy for MAID is that if a doctor is unwilling to help you, they must refer you to another doctor who will provide service for you. This however did not happen. Maggie was left hanging and extremely put out for all the time wasted when she could have been researching other avenues. She was now desperate.

A phone call took place to provincial MAID, with Maggie telling them that the Ottawa MAID declined her request. What were her options? They told her they would just refer her back to Ottawa. Really? Maggie was now quite angry and she called her GP, who reached someone else in the organization and found a MAID physician in Toronto who would help her to die.

This is where I go off the rails. A doctor will not help you get opiate medication, but will help you die? This was not the Canada that I was born into.

The MAID physician in Toronto reached Maggie via video conference and after her assessment said she would sign off immediately on her request. Maggie felt good about this but also knew that it takes two doctors to sign off for your peaceful death to happen.

Time dragged on again. The GP called her contact to ask what was happening and soon another video conference with a second MAID physician took place. This physician did not give Maggie any indication of what the decision was. Weeks later, Maggie received a call from the first doctor, who told her that her application was approved.

They would indeed help her to die as per her wishes, on August 10, 2022 at approximately 2:00 pm. They will have a long drive to get there, but Maggie’s sister will be with her. Afterwards, her organs will be harvested for donation and her body will be shipped back to Ottawa for cremation.   

Maggie blames Health Canada for the many problems she and other Canadian patients in severe pain have getting opiate medication.

“People like me, and there are many of us, continue to suffer. Suicide is our only option. This is a level of cruelty that is very difficult to fathom and really has to stop,” she said.

The world will be losing a gem on August 10. Maggie is a warrior woman for all that she has endured. She is a survivor through and through. I have seen grace, generosity of spirit, love, and even a sense of humor through all of this.

Is Maggie beyond treatment without a doubt? I will wonder about that for the rest of my life as I remember my sweet friend and all that she embodied.

Maggie’s partner Brian, the love of her life, passed in 2008. She will be survived by two children and five grandchildren.

Ann Marie Gaudon is a registered social worker and psychotherapist in the Waterloo region of Ontario, Canada with a specialty in chronic pain management.  She has been a chronic pain patient for over 30 years and works part-time as her health allows. For more information about Ann Marie's counseling services, visit her website. 

If you are in crisis and live in Canada, help is available by calling the Canada Suicide Prevention Service at 833-456-4566. If you live in the US, help is available by calling the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (formerly know as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) at 988 or 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). You can also call 911 for immediate help.